Dad says he doesn’t want anything for his 80th, and the annoying part is that he means it. He has a shed full of tools he’s owned since the seventies, a drawer of novelty socks from previous attempts, and a firm view that a gift voucher is just money with extra steps.
So stop asking him and ask everyone else. Collecting birthday messages from family, a greeting and one short story from each person who knows him, is one of the better 80th birthday ideas going. If you’re after 70th birthday ideas for Mum or 90th birthday ideas for Nan, it works the same way, and it takes up no room in the shed.
The trouble with someone who has everything
Search for a gift for parents who have everything and you’ll be steered towards experiences: a long lunch, a day trip, a hamper with a lot of chutney in it. All fine. But at a milestone birthday, what tends to land is hearing from their people: the nephew in Perth, the old workmate, the granddaughter with opinions about everything. Getting them all into one room takes about as much organising as a small wedding.
A card from each would be nice. A recording is better, because it comes in their own voice and, if you ask the right way, with a story he hasn’t heard in years. “Happy 80th, love Shaz” is a card. Shaz remembering the time he reversed the trailer into the letterbox and then blamed the letterbox is a present.
How to collect birthday messages from family
In A Moment With it takes four steps, on iPhone, Android or the web, and on every plan. (New to the app? Here’s how stories, chapters and moments fit together.)
- Add the date. In Upcoming, tap Add a date, choose Birthday, fill in who it’s about and pick the day. Leave Every year on. He’ll have another one.
- Start a story for it. On the phone, open the date and tap Start a story for this. You get a Birthday story with four chapters already in place: The lead-up, The day itself, The people who came and Another year on. The web has no Birthday category yet, so start a story there yourself first, add a chapter for the greetings, and pick both when you send the request.
- Tap Request a Moment on the date. It pre-fills “Would you record a birthday greeting for Dad?” as one personal link that up to 20 people can answer. It’s meant for the family, never the birthday person, and you can change the wording. Under Which chapter?, pick The people who came so the answers land there.
- Share the link in the family group chat (the one he isn’t in), by text or by email, about two weeks out.
One catch: the name in “Who it’s about” goes into the question, and “Dad” means less to the grandkids. Use the name everyone knows him by, or edit the question.
Everyone answers in their phone’s browser, with no app and no account: a voice message, a video, a photo or a few written lines, with their name if they like. Each answer waits for you to tap Add to story or Decline. Answering doesn’t add anyone to your story. There’s more in our guide to Request a Moment.
If it’s a surprise, set the story to Private while you collect. New stories start on People, meaning everyone you’re connected with in the app, which may well include the birthday boy. On the phone you can choose Private when you start the story; on the web it’s in the story’s settings. Then something like this does the job in the group chat:
Dad turns 80 on the 21st. He says he doesn’t want anything, so we’re ignoring him. Tap the link and record a quick hello plus one story about him: voice, video, a photo or a few lines, no app needed. By the 14th, please. Do not tell him.
Ask for a story, not just “happy birthday”
Ask for a greeting and you’ll get twenty versions of “Have a great day”. Ask for something specific and you get stories. On the phone a request carries one question, so fold it into the same sentence: “Would you record a birthday greeting for Dad, and tell us about the time…”. On the web you can add up to eight questions, and each answer comes back as its own moment. A few that work, and our questions that get a real story adapt easily too:
- The time he was right and you were wrong (extra credit if you’ve never admitted it).
- Something he taught you without meaning to.
- The first time you met him, and what you made of him.
- The thing he always says that the whole family can quote.
Getting twenty relatives over the line
- Set a deadline. A request link stays open for 14 days by default, so sending it two weeks out lines up nicely. On the web, Open for (days) goes up to 90 if you want to start earlier.
- Chase the cousins. Answers arrive under the name each person types (ask them to add one), so you can see who’s still to come. Nobody sees anyone else’s answer, so nobody can copy the best story.
- Offer voice to the shy ones. A voice message is just talking, with no camera, and it can run to five minutes, which is about four more than most uncles need.
- Let the grandkids draw. A photo of a drawing or a homemade card is a perfectly good answer.
- Mind the video. A request can only take what your plan has room for. On the free plan (0.5 GB in all), voice messages and photos go a lot further than twenty videos.
On the day
Open the story on a laptop plugged into the TV, or pass the phone around, and press Play story. It plays the moments in order: videos and voice messages run to the end, while photos and written answers move on by themselves. It fills the gap between the cake and the washing up nicely.
If you’d like to record his reaction, ask first: not everyone wants to be filmed being surprised. If he’s happy to, add it to The day itself. Afterwards, use Invite people (on the phone, the Add tile on the story) to add him as a Viewer so he can watch it again. He’ll need an A Moment With account, and the free plan is fine.
Reminders, honestly
If you allow notifications, the iPhone app reminds you about a date at 9 am, three days before and on the day. Android and the web don’t send reminders. Three days is plenty of time to buy a card and not nearly enough to round up twenty relatives, so don’t wait for the reminder to send the link.
It isn’t only for birthdays
The same idea suits a big anniversary or a retirement, and both are date types you can add. For Mother’s or Father’s Day you don’t need a date at all: open one of your stories and tap Request a Moment (on the phone, the Request tile). Expecting a crowd, say a 60th with a hundred guests? Choose An event instead: one QR code that many guests can scan, with recordings capped at 90 seconds, which keeps the speeches short. The wedding guest messages guide covers where to put the code on the day.
What it costs
Upcoming and Add a date are on every plan. The free plan includes 5 requests in total, and a birthday link uses one. Premium (from A$9.99 a month) and Legacy+ let you request as often as you like; here’s what each plan includes. Answering is always free, with no account needed.
Add the date, send the link and let the family do the rest. He still doesn’t want anything. He’s getting it anyway.
Prefer the app? Get A Moment With on the App Store or Google Play.
